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I can see now that before recovery I was committed to fantasies of what I wanted things to be like, particularly in my relationship with my husband. Today when I have difficulty in our relationship, it is often due to my bumping up against my old ideas of how things “should” be. In recovery I’m learning that commitment means being committed to the dynamic process of life the way it is, and that I can’t control the other person or the outcome. Committing myself to hanging in there—when pain, loss, and conflict are inevitable—is really hard for me. Through working the program, I’m beginning to accept the inevitability of pain and change. Today my commitment means that I am committed to my recovery with the reality, not the fantasy, of who my husband is, as well as who I am and who I’m becoming. It also means that I must surrender my self-righteous attitude that I have all the answers and that I know the way everything should be.
Reprinted from Working the S-Anon Program, 2nd Edition, page 72.