A Real Higher Power

Last summer we got a cute and very lovable puppy. Not more than a few days after bringing her home, she started to have some health problems. Despite her problems she captured my heart with her playful nature, wagging tail, and multitude of wet kisses. Needless to say I felt enormously sad when I learned her health problems were so severe that we would have to put her to sleep.
The intensity of my feelings began to overwhelm me. At the time, I did not realize that I had tried to avoid the feelings by getting angry with my husband. I wanted him to fix things. I slipped into my old behavior and blamed him for not doing enough.
After he left the house to do some yard work, I found myself feeling angry and alone. All of a sudden, it was as if a small miracle happened: I realized I was being very willful. I wanted things my way. I had tried to make things go my way and when they did not, I wanted my husband to do what I could not do, which was to make it work out my way. I could see how I had tried to turn him into my Higher Power! In doing so, I had hurt him and myself, and had not really turned it over to a Higher Power. I knew then that the anger was easier for me to face than the intense feelings of sadness, but to not feel the sadness was to not be honest with myself.

So, right then and there, I spoke to my Higher Power and acknowledged my willful, self-seeking ways. I totally, and without reservation turned it over to God, to do with it what He willed. Then I apologized to my husband. I shared the peace and serenity I felt in knowing that I had done all that I could and whatever was to be would according to God’s will, not mine. I had been draining myself of energy that could be spent in a healthier and more productive way.

Through letting go, I found, with God’s help, I could face the sad feelings. We were then blessed by being able to get another puppy. He has brought all of his warm puppy love into our hearts and home – that unconditional love that puppies know so well how to give.

Reprinted from the Fall 1992 issue of S-Anews©.