The Beginning of My Recovery

I thought all the people were crazy and I was not coming back! My husband had gotten into recovery, which is what I had wanted for ten years. He started going to meetings, but I was so mad! I felt very left out, and inside I was raging, “He’s getting all this support when I’m the one who’s been injured! I’m the one who’s been hurt! Help me!” So I would drill him when he came home from meetings and ask, “What did you talk about?” It got to the point where one night my very soft-spoken husband exploded in anger, “If this is the way it’s going to be every time I go to a meeting, I’m going to stay home!” And I thought, “Oh no! Is he going to stop this because I’m angry that he’s getting better?”

It took weeks to conquer my fear and resentment, but finally I walked through the door into a meeting. For the first three meetings I was thinking, “They’re all crazy in here. They really have problems!” But by my fifth or sixth meeting I realized that I had a problem too, and there was no turning back. I’m so grateful for those people. They kept loving me and affirming me even though I thought they were so weird. They would thank me for being there, and say, “If there’s anything I can ever do to help you…” Their support made it possible for me to take the leap of faith to make a phone call and say “I think I need to understand this powerlessness, and could you help me with the First Step?” That was the beginning of my recovery.


Reprinted from S-Anon’s Newcomer’s Information Booklet.