Steps Forward and Steps Back

Some time ago, my sponsor challenged me to think about the ways I disregarded or acknowledged spiritual growth in my life. I felt anxious and fearful as I considered the challenge. It occurred to me that I can feel afraid and still be growing spiritually. For instance, earlier in my recovery, I would tell people about my faults and weaknesses when I was afraid, thinking that this was a way to be humble. Unfortunately, feeling badly about myself overshadowed any humility I might have felt. I was overwhelmed with shame that I hadn’t seen the spiritual benefit in simply sharing with others, rather than isolating. At that time, in the recovery dance of “one step forward, two steps back,” I tended to focus only on the “two steps back.”  Working the Steps and regularly sharing with my sponsor has helped me acknowledge my spiritual growth. Spending quiet time with our literature and praying for my Higher Power’s guidance about a situation or concern often affirms that I am changing and growing. Today I am grateful that I can see my“ steps forward,” as well as my “steps back.”

Reprinted from S-Anon’s Reflections of Hope, page 55.