Making Step Six “Happen”

Like so many in S-Anon who struggle with perfectionism, I initially experienced the words “entirely ready” as a huge obstacle. I thought I needed to achieve a state of perfect readiness in order to have my defects removed. I thought I could make Step Six “happen” if I somehow worked the perfect program. Working the S-Anon Steps with my sponsor has given me a new understanding of “entirely ready.” I do not need to work my program perfectly and I cannot force Step Six to happen by my own doing. For me “entirely ready” now means I need only let God point out my defects that need work and then allow God to help me explore a deeper level of self-honesty. For example, within a recent two-week period I became intensely aware of my character defect of dwelling in fantasy, a refusal to accept reality by clinging to the way I think things should be and ignoring the way things are. One day I complained incessantly about the weather — “Spring shouldn’t be this cold!” Another day I felt my blood pressure rise as I argued with my health insurer over the phone — “it shouldn’t take two weeks to get an authorization!” Yet another day I inwardly whined about my sexaholic spouse — “Why can’t he express his love for me more spontaneously?” even as those words formed in my head, it was as if my Higher Power also gave me an awareness of just how often I was disrupting my day and my serenity by living in “the world should be my way” fantasy. Having come to a place in recovery where I trusted God and valued my serenity, I was finally ready to have God remove this roadblock from my life.

I am relieved to find that I do have a choice about the character defects that stand in the way of serenity. I need only be honest, open-minded and willing to let God bring issues to the surface as God sees that I am ready to deal with them. Today I am grateful I do not have to make Step Six “happen.” I can just let it happen by keeping my mind and heart open to my Higher Power.

Reprinted from S-Anon Twelve Steps, pages 65-66.