I recently had a huge insight: acceptance is not about ignoring the sexaholic’s behavior or my feelings about it; acceptance is about fully acknowledging reality and my feelings about it. In the past, I had “accepted” the sexaholic’s acting out, his apologies, and his pleas for forgiveness by swallowing my feelings. This allowed us to move on because I glossed over my own grief. I finally saw that this kind of automatic forgiveness is artificial. It delays my grieving, and only causes greater pain in the end. Acceptance has meant taking the time to grieve the loss of what I thought I had in my life. I have found that I can safely deal with my feelings of grief by sharing them with S-Anon program members and my sponsor. I am finding peace through accepting that sexaholism is a disease and that my reaction to sexaholism is part of that disease. I have hope that my husband and I can work through our problems and sort out decades of sexaholism with the help of S-Anon, SA, and qualified professionals. I also have hope that, with S-Anon’s help, I will even be able to forgive my husband someday from a place of peace. Today I pray for acceptance of the reality of what has happened and is happening, and I pray for God’s guidance in dealing with that reality.
Reprinted from S-Anon’s Reflections of Hope, page 137.