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Sample Stories From the Summer 2008 Issue of The S-Anews©
Acceptance
I have had to learn to accept that I grew up in a very
dysfunctional family. We looked good from the outside and I
believed the way we lived was ‘normal’. I believed I had the
ability and the power to hold my family together. I was 23
years old before I knew that my father had always known about my
mother’s affairs. Letting go of the fantasy - the dream of
what never was – was difficult. I struggled against accepting
reality.
I chose to marry someone who looked totally different on the outside to
what I had grown up with. I believed I had been rescued! After many
years of marriage, I accepted that I had somehow created another fantasy,
a dream of what never was, again. It was huge. How could I have been so
stupid? How could I not have known? I grew up with this kind of
picture. How could I accept this reality?
This family disease affected my children. One of my children has this
disease and it takes me to a whole new level of knowledge and acceptance.
This child has my unconditional love. I was able to hear sharing from my
child that I could not hear from my husband.
Well, without these realities, I would not have found S-Anon.
Acceptance and giving up my illusion of control has not been easy for
me. With the skills and tools I have learned and the loving support of
my sponsor and other members of the program, I have definitely made
progress. Acceptance continues to be a journey that contains grief and
pain. I have learned to accept myself and my humanness. I have learned to
love myself. But most importantly, I have learned to accept that there is
a power greater than myself that will always be there for me.
I feel I have courage, strength and hope to share in the S-Anon
program. Would I have chosen a gentler, softer route? Yes!
Am I grateful for where I am today? ABSOLUTELY!!
Process of Forgiveness I have been working on this for a
long, long time, and it is a long process for me. It includes grieving and
accepting things I cannot change, and seeing things for what they are, my
reality, my pain, and my brokenness in all this. I experience the need to
change my mental attitudes towards all kinds of issues. I start with
talking about my resentments, to clear old ones and not so old ones; to
start clearing the "path" to forgiveness. I was so blind to my own
patterns that I have to learn to forgive myself as well.
I am more and more willing to release my past patterns to God and
heal. The work to forgive for me is a work in progress. I am willing to
try if I am willing to look at it. I am willing to do the mental work of
releasing (let go and let God). I am willing to forgive, even if I can't
forget and I don't quite know how to go about forgiving at all. Some days
it is a struggle for me. I allow myself to have sad days, and I allow
myself to be angry. I feel sad that I had a part in what happened to me
in my life around sexholism; that I was drawn to and attracted people who
were going to hurt me (emotionally and spiritually). I didn't know I did
this, but through working the Twelve Steps of S-Anon I can see that what
happened was bound to happen. I used my old survival skills to make
myself feel better, and didn't understand that these character defects
aren’t working for me now and they never had.
The present moment is such a help and I can learn to live in the here
and now. The smallest beginning makes a difference; and yes, my grieving
process is taking it’s time. In my experience the grief process is
different for each of us. Today that's okay with me, as I can't hurry the
process. My sadness often comes out in anger and I look at what happened
and why. It gets better for me as I unlearn my old belief system. I
choose to accept me for who I am and trust the process of my life to my
Higher Power (H/P). I ask my H/P to guide me through this maze which at
times seems like "rubbish" in my life. God, give me the courage to be
willing.
In turn, I look at the person in my life, my partner who is just as
"broken" as I am. It is not for me to fix or to do anything about; it is
for me to treat him as I want to be treated when I am in pain. This
doesn't mean that I keep quiet about what is unacceptable to me, but that
I am powerless over the outcome and hand that outcome over to my H/P. I
am learning to stop blaming life and other people for what is and what was
wrong in my life, mind and body. Today I want to be a survivor, not a
victim. I choose to take full responsibility regarding what is
unacceptable to me without feeling guilty.
I allow myself to grieve for what I would have liked to be different,
as long as it doesn't turn into self-pity. Today I can change my thoughts
and NOT let them turn into negative thinking or feeling. I recognize what
my pain feels like and I chose to not make it worse by dwelling on pain.
The program gives me tools such as a phone call, conference approved
literature and my Higher Power to change my thoughts; just for today. And
each day is a new beginning.
S-Anews Archives for 2008
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