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Sample Stories From the Spring 2008 Issue of The S-Anews©
Listening
When I first came to S-Anon, I knew that I needed help. I
wasn’t fooling myself with thinking that I was there for the
sexaholic. I knew that I needed help; I just didn’t
know what kind of help I needed. Now, on my one year
anniversary of beginning the S-Anon program, I’m still
learning what it is that I get from my weekly meetings.
Today I know that one thing I’ve picked up that I consider a
pivotal and imperative positive trait is the gift of
listening. It seems like such a simple tool, but it can be
very difficult to listen when egos and bruised feelings get in
the way. Before we started our recovery programs, when my
husband and I discussed touchy subjects it nearly always ended
up with raised voices and lashing out. This was mainly
because one of us wasn’t slowing down enough, wasn’t breathing
and calming down enough, to listen.
I
credit the format of my S-Anon group with my learned ability
to listen more acutely to what my husband is saying and to
allow him to finish his sentences in their entirety before I
start talking. My S-Anon meeting has solid and helpful rules
of no cross-talking, and we never, ever interrupt.
Introducing ourselves before we speak is a sign of respect and
being genuine while expressing our thoughts and feelings.
It’s ironic to me, sitting here today when I think of all the
times I got into trouble at school for talking too much or not
listening to the teacher and doing something else instead of
what the teacher directed. It seems easy for me to just go on
and on expressing how I’m feeling regarding any particular
subject. But, listening hasn’t come so easily. I’m thankful
to my S-Anon group for showing me how to listen and that it is
a really important part of healing.
Higher
Power: Loving and Kind
I believe that it is
essential to our program and our well-being to choose a
Higher Power that is loving and kind. I have observed that
for some this is difficult because they had no experience
with religious beliefs. I was not one of these.
I had a strong religious
background and in my head I thought I believed in a loving
Higher Power but in reality my view of God was not loving
and kind. As a result, I had a very difficult time with the
Third Step. I spoke with many people about it. Finally, I
realized that if my view of God was not kind and loving then
that “God” could not truly be the God of my religion nor of
me.
This is the action I took:
I thought about the place inside where I know that I am at
peace, quiet and peaceful. Then I envisioned being in that
peace with God lovingly smiling down on me. I pictured this
God taking my old “god”, placing it far away from me and my
family, and not allowing it to come back. This “new” God is
powerful enough to do that. This was the beginning for me
of a loving, kind Higher Power.
What happens to me if I let
go of control and admit my powerlessness regarding the
sexaholic? He might get worse. He might leave me. Our
family may break up. Sometimes I feel that I can’t let go
because I’ve suffered so much. It may get worse or he may
get off scot free for all the pain he has caused me! These
are some fears I had regarding surrendering to God. For me,
this surrender has a principal of honesty to be learned. I
am powerless over the sexaholic but not over myself. I have
choices for myself and by admitting powerlessness I become
empowered. The result is surrender. I surrender to the
truth that I am not all powerful. Again, for me this is
honesty. By letting go of fear I can begin to live, live my
own life. I can stop trying to be God. It is such a relief
when I finally surrender.
S-Anews©
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