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Sample Stories From the Fall 2009 Issue of The S-Anews©
Perspective: Attitude of Gratitude
I am able to recognize that my perspective in the past was warped.
My family of origin had a belief system based in fear: fear of not being
good enough, or loveable, and fear of abandonment. I developed attitudes
and mindsets that caused me to seek approval and attention. Later on, I
developed the belief that sex was an important sign of love. I had no
real feelings of gratitude and I wanted others to be appreciative of
what I could offer them. I brought all of this into my marriage of over
30 years.
Through my effort to work this S-Anon program, especially my Step work,
I have a new awareness and perspective based in recovery, honesty, and
open-mindedness. I am willing to look at myself from this new perspective
and my attitudes have changed. Focusing on me as this program suggests is
the single most important element for my recovery. I cannot stress this
enough.
I can still be challenged. My reaction regarding my recent
unemployment situation was a test for my new recovery perspective. I was
able to move from the shocked negative place I was in to an acceptance of
my Higher Power’s plan for me. I sought out the support that I needed by
reaching out to my S-Anon fellowship, my sponsor, and close friends. In
the past, I would not even consider a spiritual aspect to how things
evolve in my life, but rather how unfair and desperate my situation was.
I still face unknowns but it’s not so scary. It’s hard to explain and it
surprises me that I am okay with this plan. My attitude is that I will be
okay, I am not alone. I am in the loving care of my Higher Power. For
this, I am grateful.
I have deep appreciation for what this program has done and will
continue to do in my life.
Stepping Into Recovery
Coming to my first S-Anon meeting, I was thinking that I’d
find the “keys to recovery for the sexaholic in my life.”
Instead, what I found was the S-Anon Problem. It hit me
square in the eyes - and it left a welt for days. But it was
a spiritual awakening for me. I was broken enough to know
that my self-reliance had run riot in my life and I was out of
other options. I was lucky that day because a woman who’d had
decades of program experience said to me “Honey, I can tell
you one thing, and one thing only. Your only hope is the
Steps and the Traditions. Don’t skip either.” I believed her
and so I surrendered. My disease had me beat.
We were a new group - and we felt alone. None of us had done S-Anon
work before and we all lacked sponsors. We called the WSO [World Service
Office] and were given the names of some established, larger groups in our
region. Most of us found out of town sponsors – something for which we
are eternally grateful. In talking to these women I learned that in one
city they did annual Step Studies. I thought: “OK; I can do that.” This
really appealed to me because the commitment I had to myself was never as
strong as my commitment to others. If I could get a Step Study going, I
knew my desire to honor the group would keep me coming back and doing the
work. For three weeks I announced in the meeting that I was going to
start a Step Study and that if you wanted to participate, come to the
planning meeting. Miraculously, ten women joined the study and the
spiritual journey began. We met each Saturday morning for 2 hours and we
went over 3 questions from the S-Anon Twelve Step Workbook out loud. We
established guidelines – this was not to be a therapy group, no crosstalk,
and no breeches of anonymity outside this room. We committed to each
other and to ourselves. And it literally saved our lives.
As we marched through the study together, we all began to feel our
Higher Power’s presence in the room. We knew we were not alone. We
shared our deepest fears and hidden truths. We shared our brokenness and
our relationship patterns. We shared our guilty feelings, our shame-based
thinking, our history and our S-Anon problems. We surrendered to the
process and we trusted one another. It was hard. And it was good.
The pain had a purpose. We didn’t ask a thing from each other and we
didn’t comment on each others’ work – but we grew spherically, that is,
our understanding of our disease expanded outwardly like an ever-widening,
growing sphere, by witnessing each other’s. I contributed my story and my
truth, and I scribbled and scrawled line after line of “realizations” that
the other women offered in their wounded wisdom. There wasn’t one woman
who didn’t come through this study and feel restored to sanity. Higher
Power was able to do for us what we couldn’t do for ourselves. We were
amazed at the process, and certainly aware of the spiritual center of it
all.
Following this, we started a Tradition Study. We used a conference
approved book that elaborated upon the Traditions and how they apply to
our entire lives and we did the same with the questions in that book as we
had in the Step Study. While not as many people attended this study,
those of us who did show up and churn out the hard-won work deepened
significantly in recovery. Our emotional sobriety grew to new heights.
I, personally, came to see the Traditions as love letters from God. These
were the “family values” that I needed to be taught. They also took my
Fourth Step and expanded it – helping me see my patterns of behavior in
relationship more clearly. Today I love the Traditions even more than the
Steps – something I never thought possible. For those who are willing,
the Traditions explode with spiritual guidance and truth. The Steps
healed my obsessions, my wound, and my S-Anon issues. The Traditions
brought me to the glory of “right relationship” with myself, my Higher
Power, and others.
As I continue to grow in my S-Anon recovery program, I understand that
I barely understand the depth and significance of these spiritual
principles. I really get that my obedience to the unenforceable isn’t
something I do to me, it’s something I do for me. While my own
self-reliant next best plan often fails, the one that Higher Power
designed for me through the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions never
does. I thank God for S-Anon – the vehicle through which my soul met my
Higher Power’s embrace.
S-Anews Archives for 2009
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