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"By my fifth or sixth meeting I realized
that I had a problem too, and there was no turning back." |
I
thought all the people were crazy and I was not coming
back! You see, my husband had gotten into recovery,
which is what I had wanted for ten years. He started
going to meetings, but I was so mad! I felt very left
out, and inside I was raging, "He's getting all
this support when I'm the one who's been injured! I'm
the one who's been hurt! Help me!" So I would drill
him when he came home from meetings and ask, "What
did you talk about?" It got to the point where one
night my very soft-spoken husband exploded in anger,
"If this is the way it's going to be every time I
go to a meeting, I'm going to stay home!" And I
thought, "Oh no! Is he going to stop this because I'm
angry that he's getting better?"
It took weeks to conquer
my fear and resentment, but finally I walked through the
door into a meeting. For the first three meetings I was
thinking, "They're all crazy here. They really have
problems!" But by my fifth or sixth meeting I
realized that I had a problem too, and there was no
turning back. I'm so grateful for the people in the
program at that time. They kept loving me and affirming
me even though I thought they were so weird. They would
thank me for being there, and say "If there's
anything I can ever do to help you..." Their
support made it possible for me to take the leap of
faith and make a phone call and say "I think I need
to understand this powerlessness, and could you help me
with the First Step?" That was the beginning of my
recovery.
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